as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
