Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
