You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
