Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
