It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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