just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
