I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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