She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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