i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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