woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
