my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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