I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
