i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
