college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
