rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
