did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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