Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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