I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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