my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
