will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
we should paint friendship bongs
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