Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
