Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
