she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
