The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
