Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wear drunk well.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
