Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
