the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
