I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
