I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
