I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
