the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
