nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
