i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
