I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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