I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
