she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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