That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
