After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
