if you like me you must not know who I am
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
