You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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