Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
