I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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