I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
