just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
