In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
