i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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