Will you blow on my dice?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
