i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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