shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
