Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
