oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
